despondency

press rewind. time machine.

2006-12-02T07:59:00.000-08:00

waw. i couldn't believe that i just talked to that guy. well he's a part of my past and i should not be talking to him anymore because of some reasons. haha. anyways, the funny part was when anna told me that her ex,aj, texted her that same day. another thing, inna also told me that her ex was also texting her. Like wtf. what is happening to the three of us?? press rewind. it's like we are all zapped into the past. gad!i don't wanna be stuck in the past. past is past! and i don't give a damn to that guy. yeah we're talking to each other but it was like oh-so-lame. nah. i still think about this present guy. i don't know if i should include his name in here but for safety precautions (haha) i decided not to. i couldn't just ignore this guy. we are like talking everyday, texting and stuffs but i could feel that i'm just a 'nobody' for him. damn it. i should not be including this issue in here. it has a different tittle,duh. stupid me. well, i think i should go now. it's kinda late already. haha.

and now i hate you..

2006-11-29T06:38:00.000-08:00

i couldn't help but cry. he doesn't know what i really feel for him. i never had the chance to tell him that i love him. and now we are not talking anymore. there is a great distance between him and me. i never wanted to let this feeling grew but as the days went by i developed this different emotion towards him.

now all i know is that i should really forget this damn stupid love that i feel for him. i'm not important for him anyway. i'm just a simple person in his life. i'm getting hopeless. why is that everytime i fall no one ever seems to catch me and heal my wounds? do you want to know the state of my heart now? as of now it is broken into several small pieces. he smashed it. he just made me realize that i'm just a trash. thank you for making me feel that way.

i'm beginning to hate you now. how could you do this to me? is it really wrong to love you? i will just replace that love with hatred. don't you ever dare to talk to me as if nothing is happening. you'll be out of my sight soon. i'll soon be able to forget you and have a peace of mind. I HATE YOU!

rejection.denial.rebuff.

2006-11-28T05:44:00.000-08:00

now i know. i think i'm sure with my feelings now. but i'm scared. scared of rejection and scared of what he's going to react if he already knew my feelings for him.

I really hate being rejected. of course we all do. i couldn't imagine myself being rejected by the person i love. yea you're right. love. before i always say that love is just a hoax but now i'm in the state where everybody feels like they're in heaven. but why is it so different for me? i don't feel euphoric. yes i'm really damn in love with this guy, but the worst part of it is he doesn't love me back. what a dreadful feeling i'm into now. i really don't know what i should do anymore. i don't want to break the friendship that we have but will i just stay pacified until my feelings for him disappear? it's really confusing me. i just wanted to be happy. why can't i be happy? why do i need him? just because i love him? or is it because i've learned to live my life with him around? but how will it be when i turn into college? i'll not be able to see him often. whoa..this is such a mess. damn it. i feel like a fool. how will i escape this maze?

well i'll just wish myself good luck. i hope he'll understand my situation. please..rejection is what i do fear.

my onLy wish..??

2006-11-25T23:38:00.000-08:00

hmm..wish? of course i do have a wish for my birthday..
nah,,but i just thought of not considering that one 'specific' wish to come true..
it's sooo imposibLe to happen..
pro i wud be very very happy (todo to the bones) if dat wud come true..
hai..isang panaginip nLng cgro..xe nmn ehh..bkt xe keLangan un pa matripan ko na wish..
weLL,,isang tao Lng nmn mka2tupad ng wish ko..hai..
pano b nmn xe..e2 ang wish ko..

"pde bng mgustuhan nLng dn aku nung taong gs2 ko??"

db sobrng impusibLe!!
mLupet..so gudLak nmn sken..hanap nLng aku ng iba cgro noh? haha
ewan..bsta dun sa taong un,,nyeh..d nmn nia ata aLam..pro sana nse2nse mo nrn..
bsta..ang ewan ng post ko ngyn..prang txt Lng..wahehe..nagma2daLi xe aku..hehe

dun sa taong gs2 ko: "bsta gs2 kta.."
haha..yak nmn..bsta un n un..cgro pag ndi pa ngkatotoo ung wish ko hnggng end ng december bka iaLis ko n un sa wishList ko..hai..

cge.,d2 nLng..paaLam mna..

happy birthday?

2006-11-24T02:29:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me..
happy birthday to me..
happy birthday happy birthday..
happy birthday to me..
taktaktak!

haha..
how old am i now?
how old am i now?
how old am i how old am i??????
how old am i now??
taktaktak!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
I LOVE ME!!
I LOVE MYSELF AND NOBODY ELSE!
haha..

this is the last time..

2006-11-17T21:05:00.000-08:00

iv-EINSTEIN

magulo. maingay. adik sa litrato. mababait. gc ung iba. makulit. masiyahin

AYNSTAYN 06-07

manila science high shool

tahanan ng mga meh tama sa utak

2006-11-17T20:42:00.000-08:00

iii-LINNAEUS

asteg. magulo. masiyahin. mahilig sa soundtrip. maloko. pamilya. karamay.

LINNAE 05-06

manila science high school

ang nanakaw na aLkansya..c ureya..

2006-11-17T20:31:00.000-08:00

ii-UREY

normal na mga tao. mababait. adik sa gitara. aktibo. maloko. talentado.

urey 04-05

manila science high school

first time..first year..

2006-11-17T20:23:00.000-08:00

i-UMALI

maLupet. masiyahin. inosente dati. magulo.

umalians 03-04

manila science high school

whew..sorry!!

2006-11-17T17:50:00.000-08:00

yesterday my former cLassmates (urey cLassmates) had their reunion at intramuros. too bad i didn't come.

weLL,,nweiz i hav my reasons for my not attending our reunion.

first, i was really planning to come home early that day. i wanted to just hit my bed right away and fall into oblivion. gad! i was really exhausted that friday aftenoon.

second, i was really fuckin' depressed with what our adchem teacher just told us. what a nice breaking news to start my day with. he was our first period teacher and i was Like "pleeaassse just stop that crap-iness.." i noticed that after that subject most of the aynstayn people were like dummies, showing no emotions on their faces. it felt like hell. really.

third thing, i didn't ask permission for my mother. both my parents treat me like a seven-year old child . hell!

lastly, i was really not feeling well. i couldn't even laugh myself out that day. though i really wanted to just forget the whole damn thing.

i just decided to go to rob ermita with inna. we were both craving for zagu (the delicious drink of the 19th century..haha. LOL.) that's why we decided to drop by at rob. we went there just to purchase that damn shake. haha..the pearls of it were really waah..it was just..waah..haha..nah, i just love zagu.

ok..i have to go now.

UREY i'm really sorry!!!

masaya ba aku ngyn?

2006-11-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

hmm..

ewan. gusto ko sumaya.

pero kahapon parang gusto ko na lang mawala.

sobrang nakakadepress yung binalita sa amin ni sir derez. sobra.

nkakaiyak. halos hindi ako makalakad pagkatapos nung first subject namin.

ayoko na. gusto ko na sumuko. kung pwede nga lang.

masyado na akong nahihirapan. sana paggising ko college na ako. wala ng problema. malayo na sa mga pesteng teachers ko nung high school ako. at malayo na rin sa kanya.

yun ang masakit dun--ang mapalayo sa kanya.

pero ayos lang. sinasabi ko lagi yan sa sarili ko "ayos lang yan.." kahit naman hindi.

basta kaya ko 'to. kakayanin. mkakasurvive din ako sa pesteng comsci at adchem na yan (research pa pala).

hayy...

kakalungkot.

mamimiss ko siya. pero alam ko makikita ko pa rin naman siya eh. paghinanap ko nga lang siguro after grad.

kakapanghina talaga.

sige..Laro na lang muna ako ng o2 jam..

babay!!

ang bobo ko..

2006-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

hindi mo pa rin ba napapansin? manhid ka na nga.

sabagay taLagang tinatago ko na Lang kasi ayokong masaktan uLit.

hindi ko na nga aLam kung ano gagawin ko.

Litong Lito na ako.

marahiL hindi pa ito ang tamang panahon..

hindi pa ngayon ang tamang oras..

at hindi pa siguro ikaw ang taong iyon..

pipiLitin ko na burahin ang mga naiisip at nararamdaman ko.

ang drama..

pero saLamat na rin.

hindi ko pa aLam ngayon kung ano ang aking gagawin.

hahayaan ko na Lang ba na mwaLa?? o sasabihin ko na??

hindi ko aLam..sa ngayon siguro ay hahayaan ko na lang muna mawaLa.

kaya ko 'to. maLakas ako. di na uLit ako iiyak.

matanda na ako eh..

basta SALAMAT..

buti na Lang may mga kaibigan ako. saLamat..

gcng pako..12:20 am na..

2006-11-16T08:19:00.000-08:00

inaantok nko..waah..

pano ba 'to..meh hw pako sa math..amp..pati sa p.e.

hai..hmm..meh tao akong nami2ss ngyn..cnu?? haha..edi sariLi q..haha..weh..funny..wahehe..

basta..tnatamad nga akong pumasok eh kaso keLangan ehh..

hai,,gudLak nmn sakin..

nauumay pko hnggng ngyn xe ka3in qLng ng daLawang sLices ng pizza..ung 18-inch na pizza sa yeLLow cab..ai grbe,,mron pa natira ata na tatLong sLices sa baba..d na niLa nakaya ubusin..amp..

o cge,,babay na mna..inaantok nko pro keLangan pa rn gwin ang mga hw..hai..

wag na kasi mangdamay..

2006-11-16T01:43:00.000-08:00

bakit kayo ganyan?

ano bang ginawa nya sa inyo ha?!

masaya na kayo sa ginagawa niyo? edi tumawa kayo.

sige ituLoy niyo Lang. sa tingin nyo ba yayaman kayo sa ginagawa niyo? magkakaroon kayo ng syuting sa mga kaLokohan niyo??

tignan niyo nga muna sa sariLi niyo bago kayo manLait ng ibang taong waLa namang ginagawa sa inyo.

mabuti kng minumura at sinisiraan niya kayo ng harap harapan.

napakaisip bata niyo. kung ayaw niyo itigiL yang ginagawa niyo edi haLa sige. kaso sana hindi kayo nangdadamay ng ibang tao. pati ba naman ako na nananahimik at hindi kayo pinapakiaLaman idadamay niyo pa??!

tangina naman,,tigiLan niyo ako. kaibigan ko siya. meh probLema ba dun? kaiLangan niyo pa ba mandamay ng iba ha?!!

tumigiL nga kayo..nakakapang init ng uLo eh..

bkt gnun? gnun nLng ba kadaLi?

2006-11-15T04:49:00.000-08:00

hindi nagpapansinan..

dedma Lng..

prang waLa Lng..

gs2 nio b n gnito nLng Lagi??

maLamig..

masaya ba?

2matawa..

22o ba?

ano b yan..bkt ka gnian?? bkt kayo gnian?? bkt tayo ganito??

panu to aaucn?

ano? dedmahan naLang??

tama na..parang awa nio na..s

nah..i just made it out of boredom..

2006-11-15T04:09:00.000-08:00

Head of Nothing

You think you’re pretty?
You think you’re witty?
With how you walk through that space
It sets my self into ablaze

I am really fucked up with you pretending
You see yourself as a beauty queen
We see you as one of those sluts
While you do your flirty stunts

You think you’re pretty?
You think you’re witty?
With how you walk through that space
It sets my self into ablaze

Enough of that mess
I am already pissed
I can’t stand to you walking with him
Just hit the floor and let your blood be seen

Maybe you should curse yourself to death
And stuck your head into the grave
Get lost! Stay away!
You self proclaimed beauty queen!

gumawa Lng ng kantang wLa pang tono..haha..amp..
oct 14 ata ko yan ginawa..

this one's for you..again..

2006-11-15T02:56:00.000-08:00

Red Marks on my Wrist

Stay here for just a little while
Let’s talk about the past as we go for a mile
My heart’s chained with you
Though I know I’m not the one for you

I never imagined this time will come true
I never realized how good it feels to be with you
I was really captivated with how you stare
I hope you even care

But I know...I know I’m not the one for you
I know I couldn’t be like her
I know… I know I’m not the one for you
I know I’m nothing in your life

Stay here for just a little while
Let’s talk about the past as we go for a mile
My heart’s chained with you
Though I know I’m not the one for you

We’ve been here for an hour or so
My heartbeat is being so unstable
I wanna hold your hand
But these chains are making me feel uneasy… (uneasy…)

But I know...I know I’m not the one for you
I know I couldn’t be like her
I know… I know I’m not the one for you
I know I’m nothing in your life

Why can’t you just forget that damn girl?
I know I’m better than her even without the curl
I hope I’ll never get tired of waiting
Hear my cries… Listen to my voice…

You are all I am…You are all I want…

And these marks on my wrist will never be healed…

i made that song i think Last october 13 or 14..hmm..cgro cLa inna meh idea na bkt gn2 ung kanta,.haha..bsta un n un..hehe..hai..

+immaturity+

2006-11-14T07:46:00.000-08:00

here's another composition that i made months ago. maybe my friends who know my situation that time would know who i was referring while wrting this one.

Immaturity

Anger and frustration, they are all over me. So many expectations all turned into dust. I’m walking alone in this small path with my broken and bleeding heart.

I’m reaching out. Where are you now? I’m trying to erase the memories of the past. I’m restraining myself from crying. How could you say those words to me? I felt that my heart was shattered, my pride was wrecked.

I could not imagine myself the time when I heard those hurtful lines. I was in rage at that moment. I thought of not seeing you anymore. I considered the fact that it would be better if I would not see your face again.

My mind is full with angry thoughts. I’m in despair. I feel like I cannot stand to see you after what you had done.

I’m giving up in this game. Too much heartache is causing me to break down. I cannot handle this anymore. Thanks for making me feel that I’m so weak. I wish I should not have known you. I will be better after some time. You’ll be out of my mind soon.

obviousLy it was you

2006-11-14T07:35:00.000-08:00

i made this composition i think 2 months ago. i was really down that time and i just thought of writing something for me to feel better. i'm not good in writing compositions but nah..just read it if you want..

You talk of blasphemy all day
I never contradict any of the things you say
Even sometimes it hurts me
I just sit there in deep silence

I’m helpless
I’m a freak
Don’t know how to escape your shadow
Maybe some months from now I’ll be gone

So have now a smile on your face
And enjoy being with her
While I’m away with so much misery
I’ll just hope you can sleep well at night

You smashed my pride into pieces
I couldn’t do anything
I’m in the state of hopelessness
Afraid, I just cover up with this blanket

ang aking unang post

2006-11-14T07:04:00.000-08:00

hay nako..unang post ko po ito..

amp..

i don't have anything to say pa eh..

mg-iisip muna ako..

hehe..

i think it's time for me to do my homework in physics..

it's quite late already and i haven't even started it yet..

though i did my homework in calculus moments ago..

wow..i couldn't believe that i just did my homework in that subject..

well,,i really don't know why..hehe

so i'll go for now..

babay!!